Space Rhinos, disintegrations, Joseph Campbell, and more! Episode 2 of The Mandalorian had plenty to celebrate and to criticize. Like always, I manage to make my episode explanation even longer than the episode itself. That’s my commitment to the listeners – high volume content.
Take part to take in the titillatingly twisted tale foretold to tell how this orator turned to tout in his tunic a stick intended for autonomous tidying.
Alliteration aside, it’s story time! The origin of why I was carrying a bar of artisanal soap in my pocket is far far more random than one would imagine. To get to the bottom of this mystery you’ll need to revisit with me one of my most favorite and most bizarre days living in Downtown Los Angeles.
Protests, high fashion, drugs, and underground women’s sustainable living swap meets… this tale has it all.
I put the illiterate in alliteration – James
Simply put, this is one of the best films I’ve ever seen. Highly recommend you check it out for yourself. Don’t let the fact that it is a documentary scare you off. It views more like a traditional narrative then some heavy handed doc where the director is working to persuade you towards a their viewpoint.
Amazing coming of age story of young men who struggling to cope with physically abusive homes, in a hard knock rustbelt town. Many congratulations to the debut director Bing Liu. His ability to build a powerfully intimate story with a seemingly light directorial touch is remarkable. Skateboarding is what initially connects the characters, and it also serves as a narrative tool Liu wields masterfully.
Check out my podcast itself for my more detailed review. Again, this movie is wonderful and now one of my favorite all time films.
Minding the Gap is out in theaters in limited release and available to stream on Hulu
We’ve all been underrating Tom Cruise, and by extension have been giving Scientology a bad wrap. After seeing Mission Impossible Fallout I’m prepared to forgive Scientology for all it’s batshit crazy ideas.
- imprisoning members – forgiven
- morality officers – forgiven
- founded by science fiction writer – hilarious
- operation white snow – forgiven
- billion year contracts – forgiven. also hilarious
All the evils Scientology has committed are worth it. Why? Because it gave us Tom Cruise. Don’t get me wrong, Tom is a star on his own. By Scientology made him fearless. Look at him run. He attacks the wind! That is Scientology Energy.
HE DOES EVERY SINGLE STUNT IN MISSION IMPOSSIBLE FALLOUT! And these are not just action movie stunts. These are
Buster Keaton’s fever dreams. Do you think that is possible without a powerful cult of crazies propping him up as a God on Earth? Hell no. Worth it!
Do I like Mission Impossible Fallout? Not really. Is it worth seeing? Absolutely.
It’s just a tour de force of Tom, and what he’s capable of.. which is anything. Thank you Scientology.
All right nerds, let’s get after it! What I really wanted to call this was the Top 5 most ‘Boner Inducing’ Star Wars moments, but it turns out that title offends people. So I used ‘Gratifying’, but that stops right now. Let’s discuss the singular Star Wars moments so amazing as to cause instant SW fan metaphoric boners. There can be many causes for a SW boner – from objectively bad ass moments backed up by epic J Williams scores to personal favorites were that character you love finally has their day. Here are my top moments (hereafter: Bone Momes) in no particular order:
Bone Mome 1: Duel of Fates begins playing as Darth Maul appears before Qui Gon, Obi Wan, Padme and the gang in the Naboo hanger (Phantom Menace)
Analogous to: The hottest girl/guy you can imagine gets naked in front of you and you know you’re about to bang. It’s simply one of the most epic boners as absolutely everything happening to you in this moment is awesome.
Boner Breakdown: This is one of the most objectively boner inducing SW moments. Epic villain, epic J Will score, heroes step forward with confidence and we strap in for what will be one of the greatest fight scenes in all of SW
Bone Mome 2: As Yoda squares up to fight Count Dooku he force pulls his light saber from his belt (Attack of the Clones)
Analogous to: Losing your virginity boner.
Boner Breakdown: This is especially boner inducing because we had to wait for so long to see Yoda throw down, and we were not even sure it would ever happen. Then as it’s finally about to happen… the moment we’ve been waiting for… and Oh My God he uses the force to pull out his saber! It’s a sweeter feeling than we could have ever imagined. We frankly didn’t know how to imagine it. A blissful boner.
Bone Mome 3: Luke and Vader activate light sabers before fighting on Cloud City. (Empire Strikes Back)
Analogous to: I love you boner. You’ve found that special someone, and you just told them “I Love You” for the first time. The sex that follows is beautiful and perfect. Bonus boner points if your partner responds with “I know”
Boner Breakdown: This is the most artistic and pure boner of SW. Everything about the plot that has lead us to this point, and everything about the way that moment is shot is flawless. It’s poetic, beautiful, and pure. This boner took a long time to build up, and we never rushed it. It arrived at the right time, in the right place, with the right person. A once in a lifetime boner.
Bone Mome 4: It’s the end of Rogue 1 and rebels are rushing to deliver the Death Star plans to Leia aboard the Tantive IV when the door jams and the hallway goes dark… a haunting breath is heard and a red light saber activates illuminating the hallway, and our hearts.
Analogous to: I can’t stop coming aka multiple orgasm boner.
Boner Breakdown: Where to begin? I need a cigarette just thinking about this boner moment. Firstly, it hits many of the same boner triggers as Darth Maul duel of fates BM1 and Yoda vs Dooku BM2. Objectively epic villain, epic music, and we didn’t even know we’d get this moment. A long awaited experience of full power Vader. In experience cruelly absent from the prequels.
Secondly, seeing those classic rebel uniforms and helmets while the warning siren continues to sound is just a beautiful experience tying Rogue One to A New Hope. It gives this boner a touch of poetry like in Cloud City BM3.
Thirdly, it just keeps going! Not a single boner note, rather a boner symphony. Vader just goes ham and gives the fans everything we ever wanted to see from him. He moves slowly, coldly and methodically as he displays the full power of the dark side while massacring rebel scum. The boner rages on and on as you get to cum in your nerd pants for nearly 90 seconds of amazing. Then you’re given the prefect come down as princes Leia is handed the Death Star plans, drops a great line, and the movie ends. It’s the metaphoric post sex cigarette. You’re left emotionally and physically spent while also satisfied and content.
Bone Mome 5: Rebel fleet comes out of hyperspace at Battle of Scarif
Analogous to: Finding your fetish boner.
Boner Breakdown: This is my personal boner. My fetish. I don’t expect others to have received a boner here, but I bet you have another personal scene that gave you the same feeling. For me, this was a boner I didn’t expect, but it was undeniable when it arrived. I’m not lying when I tell you that I cried a little bit in the theater when the fleet came out of hyperspace at Scarif. It was a combination of several factors. A mix of my love for the sound/aesthetic of large cruisers coming out of hyperspace, the music, the anticipation, squad leaders from A New Hope checking in, and my powerful affection for Mon Calamari and Admiral Raddus in particular. In the end, I found my kink. My fetish. It’s Raddus.
Bone Mome Fan Feedback:
After posting this commentary to imgur I got a lot of fun feedback from people mentioning their favorite bone momes not on my list. Far and away the most referenced missing bone is moment when Holdo suicide-lightspeeds into Snoke’s ship and the shot is done in total silence. I agree that was the best single shot of TLJ and a potential bone mome. But personally TLJ gave me erectile disfunction. No boners were possible after about 4.5 minutes into the movie when Poe makes a crank phone call to Hux. I realize I have bone momes from TPM and AOTC which are also both terrible SW movies, but for my personal taste and hopes for SW, TLJ was on a different level of disappointment. That movie hurt my SW soul.
To my fellow Americans I quote the leader of the rebel alliance, Princess Leia, when I say “I love you”
To the colonial Brits out there I quote the warrior poet, Tupac Shakur, when I say “You better back the fuck up, before you get smacked the fuck up”
Happy Independence Day everyone! I sat in the tub this morning with the intention of recording a podcast about gun rights. It seemed fitting for a July 4th topic. Instead, I decided to table that episode, and record an impromptu commentary on the Declaration of Independence. One of the greatest documents ever written by the hand of man.
In this episode we get into some fun Snapple cap factoids about the writing, and signing of the Dec of Ind. We’ll lightly discuss the amazing enlightenment principals which serve as the philosophical backbone of the declaration and the formation of these United States. Some commentary on the risks taken by the founding fathers is peppered in as well as their inaction regarding slavery. Finally I’ll actually read the document itself (most of it at least… I skip the big boring part where they just list grievances against the King of England).
Happy grilling my fellow patriots! Crack a cold one for old Ben Franklin who reminds us “there cannot be good living where there is not good drinking”
Tony Bourdain’s passing struck a chord with me that I didn’t expect. I have tremendous admiration for his talent as a story teller, but I didn’t consume his work with the same fervor as I did Robin William’s or Chris Cornell’s. Those are both celebrities of whom I’m a more ardent fan, and they too tragically took their own lives. But for some reason last week’s news of Bourdain’s passing weighed on me more heavily.
It drove me to do some research into depression and suicide in America, and share it in episode 2 of Bath Time. A 180 degree change from my first episode about Star Wars, but it’s what I was interested in reflecting on. Hey, that’s Bath Time. You never know what is going to occupy your thoughts.
In this episode we’ll dig into some shocking stats on suicide in America, the Werther effect and the media’s role in suicide contagion, happiness vs purpose, lifestyle influences on mental health, and a reflections on my own experience with physical and mental health.
On a lighter note I also talk about international bath day (June 14th), histories most famous bath, and introduce my new co-host. Fair warning that this light fair opens the podcast for about 5 minutes, and then I switch gears to the heavier subject matter at hand.
If you are going through a dark patch, then at this end of the episode I’m talking directly to you. I hope my love and words reach you in whatever way possible. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline has trained councilors available to talk 24/7. Here is their phone number, and link to chat online.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline : 1-800-273-8255
I hate ‘The Last Jedi’. I hate it so so much. Less than 5 minutes into seeing it in theaters at the midnight premier I knew the movie was garbage, and it didn’t do much to change my opinion throughout its bloated 2 hour 32 minute runtime. When the film mercifully concluded and my nerd friends gathered in an awkward circle to debrief one of us put it best saying, “remember when you first learned that Santa Claus wasn’t real?”
Begrudgingly I saw the movie in theaters a second time with my family with the goal of refreshing my memory and writing an essay about my hatred for the film afterwards. But whenever I sat at my computer I became too upset, and didn’t make any progress. But then I started taking baths… long and frequent baths.
The bath proved to be a vessel for infamously random “shower thoughts”, but in the bath you have the time to really flesh them out. So what would normally be a passing brain fart, could grow into a full fledged Alex Jones InfoWars-esk rant. But instead of Sandy Hook Elementary and gay toad conspiracy theories, I continued to think about Star Wars.
And from all this ‘Bath Time’ was born. The internets premier podcast recorded exclusively from my bathtub. In episode one I spend about 45 minutes splashing around and ranting about my hatred for The Last Jedi.