Meanest thing I’ve ever done

During one of my travels a few years ago I was feeling lonely on the road, and called a dear old friend, Brian Walsh, to have a nice chat and catch up. Brian wasted no time in informing me that he was entirely uninterested in any of my successes, insights, or news that could at all be construed as positive towards my life.

He added that while I was traveling I was only to call him in order to share stories of failure, injury, and overall misery. While Brian is of course a dick for having said this, it doesn’t change the fact that he stumbled upon a profound truth in story telling. Failure is always more entertaining than success.

So with that in mind, I’d like to share this story with you and in doing so state clearly – FUCK YOU BRIAN WALSH. Hahahaha! This time I win you punk!

My Girl photo 2

Check out the story below that I performed at a Moth StorySLAM in LA. Of the 10 performers telling true stories from their lives on the subject of “Jokers” your very own JBreezyBaby was voted the winner! This was in fact a bucket list item of mine, and I now advance and compete in a GrandSLAM event where 10 LA StorySLAM winners compete.

Brian, you are not invited to attend.

Below is the video of the audio (what?) which I may or may not have the legal rights to share. So if the 17 people who see this post just keep their mouths shut then I’ll probably be fine.

Wait… I think this blog post is a story about a story I told about a thing I did. The thing I did is super mean, and not a success, but in telling the story I won a competition which was successful. I think…

Not sure what I intended from this post anymore… somewhere something good happened to me I think.

SHUT UP. Just listen to the damn story if you want a laugh.

Unstoppable Force vs Immovable Object

By reading this blog entry right now you are participating in a grand experiment! Together we embark to answer a question as old as the title track from Beauty and Beast.  What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?  Long have our greatest minds pondered this question.  From Newton, to Einstein, to Yoda, to Gosling.  None have been able to crack the sexiest of human riddles.

In order to solve this I will abandon scientific theory and work backward from experimental measurements. Just like Max Planck working to make light bulbs more efficient for the German government (classic German, working to make things more efficient.  One of the few admirable “classic German” qualities).

I previously attempted to solve this question through empirical means while in college in my “Fratty vs Fatty” experiment.   I would observe the interaction of an unstoppable force (a drunk and horny frat guy) vs an immovable object (a drunk fat chick) at a party.  Unfortunately the University of Virginia was too close minded and refused my submission of this as a senior thesis.  Carrying on unsupported by the university my findings were inconclusive as documentation proved… hazy.

In my current experiment, of which you are all participants,  I’ll observe what happens to an unstoppable force (the J Breezy Baby blog) when it meets an immovable object (mundane conversation about Christian outreach).  That’s right, I’m risking the survival of the internet’s greatest creation according to ‘Things My Mommy Says” magazine (I know it is still second to for her).  The experiment is simple: create the internet’s greatest website (check!), create a horribly boring video on a subject nobody likes (check?), post that interview to the website (check… see below), and track if the site continues to thrive like Star Wars Episode 5 or if it is never seen or spoken of again like Star Wars Episode 2.  With that we will finally know the answer to our question.  So feast your eyes, ears, and souls on the video below and decide if you’ll ever visit this blog again.

Video Back Story  Finding myself alone in Rob Manoso’s Knoxville apartment, I began drinking (like any socially and emotionally adjusted person would).  I finished  my rye whisky and much of Rob’s bourbon then grabbed my video camera, hopped on my bike, and set off for Knoxville’s late night scene.  After drinking more beers alone at a bar and getting some late night cereal I pulled out the camera and started talking to strangers.  The video that follows is objectively not entertaining.  I went through the trouble of editing it largely to learn how to edit videos, and after spending so much time on it I felt compelled to share.  So here we are.  An unstoppable force vs an immovable object.

Again… this video is really uninteresting… I’m sorry.

When we concluded they asked what newspaper or TV station I was with, and I started laughing.


The Force